Lesson: Don't be a Talebearer

From Mark Conner's Service
- Protect the unity of the church.

If you think a brother sins against you GO to the brother or sister involved directly.

• Not share your unhappiness with someone else
• Not pray about it.
• Not bear a grudge.

Matthew 18:15
A Brother Who Sins Against You
"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.
If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.

When I heard him (Mark Conner) I couldn't agree any less.

I've been misunderstood by someone before and when I finally found out it was when other people (who were not even involved in or present at the incident) came to ask me why I did this and that? Wow! I was "slaughtered" without my knowing. And when I called the person involved, that person didn't even want to talk about it. So it was all very strange. Till today I still do not know what EXACTLY this person told others that made them think about me the way they did. Sigh.
I have jumped into wrong conclusions about others too. And after having a firsthand experience of being wronged taught me one lesson; deep. Though I'm the type who would rather bottle things up than to share them with the world, the lesson made me understand the "toxicity" of a misunderstanding. This is why I'm now making a constant effort to avoid ambiguities in communication and opportunities for negative speculations; I make sure I confront people directly to clarify matters though some complained that it makes me rather blunt. So now the trick is to be clear but yet tactful. Anyhow, this is way better than blowing things up into a million pieces in front of people (who aren't even involved), realise you blew up based on "wrong info"/ a misunderstanding, find yourself too tired or prideful to clean up the unnecessary mess you've made, and leave that poor maligned fella a criminal in people's hearts for life.

In a nut shell:
Its always better to clarify FIRST with the person involved (directly) instead of jumping into all kinds of conclusions. To speculate or share things with others even before confirmation is the lowest, even if you share it with a disclaimer that you are only guessing or under the sugar coating of "being concerned". What if we have misunderstood our brother/sister? Wouldn't sharing our tainted impressions with someone else before we clarified things make us bearers of false accounts of/ witnesses to our brother/ sister?

And what does the bible say about murmuring and lying?

So...
GO direct to the root of the problem!
Dun stop to share with others until you and that person involved have reached a verbal consensus that both parties are holding on to a right account of each other, and have agreed to allow sharing of the matter.

In our modern yet ironically "uncivilised" society, ppl just tend to forget basic courtesy issues.